Let it go, let it go, let it go

Thanks to several of you who have written to say “update puhhhhhlease!” Thanks for checking on me and encouraging me to write here. At least I know I have 5 or 6 readers.

So two months to the day after my last chemo treatment, it happened. Yep, my eyelashes fell out. The final indignity (it BETTER be the final one) of this crazy disease. So I rushed to Private Edition and got some fake ones from the lovely Victoria. She has her own experience with breast cancer so it was fate that we should meet.  They are cool and all wigged out with the lashes I just totally feel like a drag queen!  Fun,  but a lot of work.  I am happy to report they are growing back quickly, as is my hair! (Um when did I get gray hair?) so you will probably see me soon sporting my (extremely!) short “do”. I am so over the hats, scarf, wig et al. I know, I know .... it’s just hair.  Here's what my eyelashes looked like long ago...

                                          Brown, 8

It remains rather cold here in good ole Nashvegas.  We have had a few snow days - lots of togetherness this winter! The joy of a snow day - hunkering down with the kids, drinking hot chocolate, playing outside til you can’t feel your fingertips, cooking fattening foods, and just taking a break from everyday life - work and school primarily. Checking out, so to speak. This time on my hands got me thinking about always ruminating about the past and the future and not enjoying the present. I am trying to teach myself to get in the moment, especially as a parent of children who, for now, still enjoy my company.   If I have learned anything from this “opportunity” of cancer, it is to live for right now - who knows what tomorrow will bring? sounds SO canned I know. We say that to our kids from the beginning, we hear it endlessly- carpe diem! But what do we really mean? It is hard to describe and even harder to put into action . I am trying trying trying to let things go - let things go that don’t matter or that you can’t take back. The latest tween drama, the latest passive aggressive comment from someone you love, the latest failed attempt at staying in your daily weight watchers point range, the latest rejection from a client you thought would never leave you. Such a huge struggle for control!  I want to take control of my kids’ happiness, my husband’s health and stress, my work-life success, and so much more. All this struggle takes me out of the here and now. The Monopoly game, the spontaneous dancing to Party in the USA in the living room, the report on baseball practice. How then do you quiet that voice in your head?  Well, I think my more “recovered” friends and confidantes would say you take it one day at a time and work on acceptance. Ahhh- !  Accept the things you cannot change. I have heard it before. Where do you find the wisdom to know the difference? I do not pretend to know the answers but I do resolve to work on it. I am enacting some changes in my life to let go of some old stuff, and have a fresh start.  Some changes to set myself up for a life that is challenging, exciting, but ultimately more peaceful and more full of joy.  More on that next week!

Jamie, 12 next Thursday. Wow.

                             

 mini-me, Susanna 5

Back to the darn cancer thing - I will have my last reconstruction surgery on March 25th after Spring Break. I cannot wait.  It will be an eventful spring - now if the weather would just warm up!!!  I remain, as ever, grateful for all of you who have supported and encouraged me through all of this. I will try and not wait so long to write again!
(thanks to Wiff Harmer for pictures - www.wiffharmer.com)

I wanted to share with you this promo for Kelly Corrigan’s new book Lift.

Four friends emailed this to me - I love this girl and can’t wait to read the book. If you have not read The Middle Place, go straight to the bookstore and buy it. Let me know what you think!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vC3UBalNkFA